Star Trek: Starfleet Academy is dog shit. If you don’t agree with this very basic truth, than I got nothin’ for you. I think the writers of this series are all layoffs from corporate HR departments or refugees from Women’s Studies programs at community colleges.
It’s incredibly rich that Kathleen Kennedy announced that she is leaving Lucas Films the day before the new incarnation of Star Trek dropped. Both events signify the death of two franchises that were once beloved by fans. This was long before they descended into woke self-parody.
I won’t belabor the point about the demise of Star Wars here. At least it is going out on a good note with the second season of Andor. Star Trek had its Andor about 30 years ago when Deep Space 9 was on. With respect to fans of Voyager and Enterprise, everything since DS9 has been downhill. A big part of the reason for this is the fact that modern Trek does not take itself seriously. When you watch any of the six shows from the classic era, you can tell that the writers respected their material, even when it sucked.
Not so anymore. Strange New Worlds had some potential, but it was squandered with musical episodes and material that veered more and more into farce. Starfleet Academy is the end result of this downward spiral.
A lot of the critics who savaged this show asked the same question that I am asking. Who is new Star Trek meant for? It does seem that the writers have gone out of their way to alienate straight white men. Putting aside the idiocy of the writing, this makes no business sense to me. If you’re Paramount, why would you want to piss off a fan base that is comprised of mostly older people who still have an interest in your franchise? I get that they want to attract younger people, but do they really think that younger Millennials and Gen Zers are going to have the heart for this show that us older folks have? Harry Potter was their cultural touchstone; so much so that they are still hanging on to the Potter universe while chucking the progenitor overboard due to her outspoken traditional feminist views. As for Generation Alpha, they are into KPop Demon Hunter; whatever the hell that is.
The people who were fans during Star Trek’s golden era are Boomers, Gen-Xers and older Millennials. We are the ones who have a vested interest in the preservation of Star Trek’s legacy. We are the ones who get angry when we watch Starfleet Academy and see the abject load of dog shit that it has become. And, like it or not, a comfortable majority of us are straight, white and male. In what business universe does this tactic of targeted disaffection compute?
All of the criticisms of Starfleet Academy are valid. Would a military organization enlist people who are obese? Of course not. Let’s see where the body positivity movement is in about 10 years when the long term effects of Ozempic are known. A lot of the comical aspects of Starfleet Academy fall flat, while more dramatic scenes are unintentionally funny. A Starfleet cadet that accidentally swallows her com badge? Wow. Gay, sensitive Klingons who like to birdwatch? Ugh! Hectoring, scolding female characters and buffoonish male characters? Check. Anachronistic dialogue. Check. A captain running around in her bare feet? Yuck. Overt political messaging in place of allegory. Yep. Apparently, the esthetics of the show are pretty damn ugly. Reviewers say that the bridge of the USS Doo-Doo looks more like the interior of an Apple Store than the bridge of a starship. I’ll take their word for it.
I could go on and on about the numerous shortcomings of Kurtzman Trek, but if you want to see this show thoroughly lampooned, you can find abundant resources on YouTube. The aspect I want to touch on is the notion, perpetuated by some of the critics, that disabilities should be obsolete by the 32nd century. So let’s put aside the aggressive momsplaining and try for a bit of respectful reasoning.
Holly Hunter, who plays the shoeless captain of the USS Caca, wears glasses. Apparently, there’s a cadet who is confined to a wheelchair. In the second episode, we meet a Betazoid crew member who is deaf, and she has a sign language interpreter. “Surely, they’ve cured deafness and hyperopia and all other disabilities by the 32nd century,” critics opine. They then point to examples like Geordi, who was blind but who wore a visor (and later, bionic implants) which cured his blindness. Even Bill Shatner weighed in on this point.
Let’s take a closer look at the various times that vintage Trek addressed disabilities.
In the TOS EPISODE, “The Menagerie,” we learn that Captain Christopher Pike was severely disabled after a massive explosion on board a training ship. He is confined to a wheelchair and cannot move or speak. He can only communicate the words “yes” and “no” through a flashing light and audible beep. His condition is so limited that Spock kidnaps him and takes him to Talos IV, where he can live out the remainder of his life in an artificial world of illusion.
Did Spock have the right to kidnap Pike without his consent, even though he was operating from a compassionate place? Great question. I will analyze it another day.
Spock went blind for about five seconds in the TOS episode, “Operation, Annihilate,” but he had a second eyelid that rendered his condition temporary.
In The Wrath of Khan, Bones gives Admiral Kirk a pair of glasses as a birthday present. Apparently, Kirk is allergic to something called, Retinax 5, so he wears the glasses. Presumably, Retinax 5 is a drug that helps to regenerate the retinas, thus preventing deteriorating vision that is common to advanced age. I guess they haven’t cured allergies by the 23rd century. Kirk wears the glasses and they seem to benefit him until he sells them in 20th century San Francisco.
Geordi La Forge was the only main character in any Star Trek series who was disabled from the outset. In fact, he was born blind. He wears his visor as a means of compensating for his total lack of vision. This is an important point. Geordi was born with no sight. His visor is an aid, not a cure. This explains why he is comfortable living as a blind man, even with the visual superiority of his visor. Both Dr. Crusher and Dr. Pulaski discuss possibilities for treating/curing Geordi’s blindness. He responds to them in a calm, patient manner. Every blind person recognizes this. We always get doctors who can’t help themselves and start talking of fixing us, whether we want it or not.
It’s also necessary to acknowledge that Geordi’s disability does not prevent him from attaining his career goals. When we meet him, he’s the Helmsman of the Enterprise before being promoted to Chief Engineer. This is a far cry from the experiences of current day blind people, who get the butt-puckers every time a new software update comes out.
Did Geordi’s disability prevent him from having a fulfilling personal life? That’s a separate question. In the show, he never had a romantic partner. Later, when he got normal-looking eyes, he got married and had kids. Hmmm.
I’ve already outlined the episode, “The Enemy,” in my ‘best of’ list, but Geordi’s blindness is also addressed in the episode, “The Masterpiece Society.” When the Enterprise comes upon a genetically engineered world, they question Geordi’s very existence as an imperfect human being. His response is, “Screw you. Who are you to decide whether or not I get to live or die?” Ironically, Geordi ultimately comes up with the solution that will save the planet from destruction because of a comet fragment.
Two other TNG crew members have experiences with a temporary disability. In, “The Loss,” Counselor Troi loses her empathic powers when the Enterprise encounters a two-dimensional alien. She freaks out and goes through the gambit of grief emotions from anger to denial to depression. By the time she starts to adjust, she gets her powers back.
Worf’s story is more interesting. In, “Ethics,” our favorite Klingon is working in a cargo bay when he is struck by a falling container. He sustains major spinal damage that paralyzes him from the waist down. Worf would rather die than live with a disability, so he tries to convince his son to help him commit suicide. Luckily, there’s a renegade doctor on hand that persuades Worf to undergo an experimental procedure that might restore the use of his legs. The bad news is that the experiment fails and Worf dies on the table. The good news is that, like Spock’s extra eyelid, he has more of those redundant organs that kick in and bring him back to life, thus restoring him to full mobility.
Picard suffered from PTSD after his encounter with the Borg, as well as his imprisonment and torture at the hands of the Cardassians. If the show had been more serialized, this may have been dealt with in more depth.
In Deep Space 9, Nog is badly wounded during the battle of AR-558 and the medics have to amputate his leg. Nog gets a new bionic leg and learns to walk normally, but the emotional trauma runs deeper. He has to spend an entire episode recovering in the holodeck before he can return to active duty.
It’s important to note that all of the characters who become disabled (Troi, Worf and Nog) do not adapt easily. This is very common. Those who become disabled later in life have a much tougher time adapting than do those of us who are born with it. That’s why Geordi is so chill about his situation.
Sidebar: I think Dr. Bashir also falls for a lady in a futuristic wheelchair and spends most of the episode trying to cure her, but I can’t remember for sure.
I’m not familiar enough with Voyager and Enterprise to discuss any plots involving disability, but I do know that none of the main characters from either series had long-term impairments. I sure as hell don’t know or care about the Kelvin movies, Discovery, Lower Decks, Picard, Strange New Worlds or Prodigy.
With the exception of Geordi, you can detect a pattern running through all of the other examples I listed. Whether it’s the 22nd or 23rd century, various characters encounter unforeseen circumstances that cause them to become disabled. It doesn’t matter how good the technology is, they are permanently or temporarily altered in some way.
This is why I am doubtful that disabilities will ever really be cured in our real world timeline. Science can invent technology that will serve as aids to those of us who are disabled, but it won’t cure us. Even if futuristic medicine could eradicate all disabilities in unborn babies, you could never effectively prevent those unanticipated accidents that render someone temporarily or permanently disabled later in life.
It follows that, as the power of technology increases, it will require new, unexplored energy sources to power it. Nuclear radiation was unknown in the 18th and 19th centuries, but it exists today. There will be new forces in the future that will do tremendous amounts of good. They will also cause untold, unknown damage. The delta rays that incapacitated Captain Pike are unknown today, but so is warp speed. It also follows that, if humans continue to embrace risk as a necessary part of growth, they will occasionally meet with accidents that will result in disability. As Dr. Crusher put it, “There are some things I just can’t fix.”
I would be a fool to doubt the potential of technology. When I was growing up, Knight Rider was science fiction. Today, self-driving cars are a reality. When I hear stories of experimental technology that could possibly restore vision, I take a passing interest, but I don’t hold my breath. The doctors and scientists who research for a living get more of a chub over the prospect than I do.
Personally, I don’t celebrate being blind. I don’t loathe it either. I just accept it. I don’t bang the identity drum. My blindness is just a characteristic. It is certainly a dominant characteristic that does have an impact on my life, but it doesn’t define me. For that matter, my weight is a characteristic. So is my height. So is my gender. So is my manly bat’leth, which has caused several women to be temporarily disabled in the afterglow. Some characteristics are static. Others are changeable. All are a part of me.
I think it’s also important to point out that certain characteristics are immutable, but disability is not. I am a straight, white dude. I will never be black. I will never be Latino. I will never be gay. Contrary to popular pseudo-science on the left, I will never be a woman. Other people are confined by these same limitations. But anyone can become disabled at any time. Whether it is a disease such as Diabetes or Alzheimer’s, or a random bullet, or a car accident, or just slipping in the shower, the hand of fate can tap anyone on the shoulder at any moment. In fact, everyone becomes disabled as they grow older. The recent loss of my dad drove home this point with clarity. No matter how healthy or vital you are as a young person, Father Time gets us all and even the Guardian of Forever can’t stop it.
I think this is why everyone is so uncomfortable with those of us who are disabled, no matter how much lip service they give us. I’m pointing the finger at you, activist class. They know that their time could come at any moment. Eventually, it will come.
I’ve said all along that Star Trek is an escapist fantasy. Poverty, war, disease, greed and all of the other lower elements of the human condition will always be with us. But even in the hopeful future that Star Trek projects, why would disability be a curse? It doesn’t have to be a chosen identity akin to the TikTok autistic culture, but it doesn’t have to serve as a lowly burden akin to scripture either. It is simply a reality to be navigated, just like any other interstellar phenomenon. Whether you’re in the 21st or 32nd century, the binary choice is the same. You can either except your disability and adapt to it, or you can retreat. That is a very Star Trek concept.
Some final, random thoughts:
We’ve all had quite a time bashing Wesley Crusher, but don’t you miss him now? C’mon…admit it. He was a kiss-ass and a teacher’s pet and a wannabe and all that. He was also competent, emotionally stable and he believed in the Federation. I sure as hell miss Jake Sisko and Nog, who went from wayward teens throwing oatmeal to a writer and a Starfleet officer, respectively. In the new Trek show, they’d be throwing oatmeal in every episode.
Rachel Leishman just published a piece that says, “Those dudes who are mad at Starfleet Academy aren’t real Star Trek fans.” Beyotch, I was rockin’ out to Gerald Fried’s Amok Time score when you were sucking your chocolate milk through a sippy straw.
Some of you social media assholes love to use the word, “retarded,” when criticizing those whom you dislike. I find this gross. I realize that Trump has made bullying great again, but it’s really an asshole move. I sympathize with your origin point. It’s a slap at the matriarchy, which has turned Star Trek into steaming dog shit. But unlike these woke dipshits who have a choice to be stupid, people with genuine mental disabilities didn’t ask for it.
You know why it was so easy to root for Walter White in the early seasons of Breaking Bad? Because he was the dad who fought for his disabled kid. Remember the first episode when Walt is taking his son clothes shopping, and Walt Jr. (who has CP) is struggling to try on his new pants? A couple of high school kids start mocking him, so Walt beats the shit out of them.
Every disabled kid who gets bullied has a fantasy of their dad running in and beating the living shit out of their tormentors. Then, for good measure, dad goes to the bully’s home and beats the shit out of their dad, just for good measure. Learning to be a blind adult means coming to grips with the fact that no one is coming to save you. For better or worse, you have to figure it out on your own.
You guys who are flinging around the “retard” word as a catch-all for everything you hate are those assholes in the store. You’re no better than the toxic woke crowd who has weaponized every ism and phobia out there in order to shut down the argument. I’m not wokesplaining you. I’m just saying…bitch.
I think Star Trek is dead. Starfleet Academy is the death knell. We are never going to see Star Trek: Legacy. We’ll never get a Captain Riker series since Jonathan Frakes is retiring. I’m at peace with this reality. So, I’ve got DS9 at nine, with “Battle Lines,” guest starring Jonathan Banks in the queue.
Finally, as if Star Trek weren’t bad enough, NBC is about to reboot The Rockford Files. Get ready for next level anger here. I’m talking…Mama Daenerys in the sky kind of rage. I didn’t think I could be any more disgusted than when Queen Latifah came back as The Equalizer. I see I’m being tested.
Live long and prosper.
