Always Look on the Right Side of Life

The world today seems absolutely crackers,
With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high.
There’s Trump and Putin sittin’ on the trigger.
It’s depressing. It’s senseless. And that’s why…

I like beer. It makes me a jolly good fellow.

Besides spirits, how does a conservative such as myself keep his sanity? Here are some of the resources I use as guiding lights during these dark times:

The National Review magazine has been a bastion of conservative thought for decades. Although they did publish a full ‘Never Trump’ issue during the primaries, they accept him as our president. They are guided, not by a cult of personality, but by conservative principles. They praise Trump when he’s right, but are not afraid to criticize him when he’s wrong.

My favorite writer for National Review is Jonah Goldberg, though Andrew McCarthy, David French, Jim Geraghty and Alexandra DeSanctis are all first rate. In fact, the whole crew is solid.

The Weekly Standard is another publication that rests on the bedrock of conservatism. Bill Kristol, the originator, has been called the father of the ‘Never Trump’ movement, but the editorial stance of conservatism over personality still reigns supreme. Fred Barnes, Stephen Hayes and John Podhoretz are second among equals.

If you’ve burned out on talk radio as I have, try podcasts. Ben Shapiro is my favorite. He is a self-proclaimed nerd and loves to talk about Batman or classical music as much as politics, but he really knows his stuff. I also recommend, “I’ll Tell You What,” a Fox News podcast featuring Dana Perino and Chris Stirewalt. Unlike many of their Fox cohorts, they base their commentary more on experience and philosophy, rather than The Donald’s latest tweet. Also, the afore-mentioned National Review and Weekly Standard both produce podcasts that are well worth a listen.

For those of you who happily buy into the notion that conservative women are represented only by intellectual lightweights such as Sarah Palin and Tomi Lahren, check out the likes of Kat Timpf, Mary Katharine Ham, Amanda Carpenter, Heather Wilhelm, Karol Marcowicz, Megan McArdle, Brooke Rogers, Emily Zanotti and Brittany Pounders. Special shout-out to Christina Sommers and her YouTube series, The Factual Feminist. These ladies can think circles around Ann Coulter any day.

Finally, honorable mentions to John A. Daly, fellow Coloradan and columnist at Also, I like Erick Erickson, even though he veers into the mean-spirited lane in the name of God more often than I’d like. If you guys don’t believe that conservative movie critics exist, check out Christian Toto at his website, And mad props to Guy Benson, an openly gay conservative who catches more flack from the left than the right because of his views. I mentioned that I’m mostly off talk radio, though I still enjoy Michael Medved and Hugh Hewitt. Hugh veers into Trump apology a little more often than I’d like, but he’s still a good guy and an outlier on MSNBC. And speaking of outliers, we can’t forget Bret Stephens, token conservative at the ever-lovin’ New York Times. And we must also pay tribute to the standard bearers like Charles Krauthammer, George Will and Peggy Noonan, who are all still out there swinging for the fences.

There ya have it, folks. Go out there and try to be sane. If these coping mechanisms don’t work for you, there’s always the Whopper with a beer and cigar chaser. Or if you were expecting a different cuisine based on the beginning of this post, try General Tso’s chicken with a beer chaser.

By the way, all two of you who read this blog may notice less than normal political commentary of late. Frankly, the state of things in that realm today makes me sad and tired. Everything that I feared about President Trump is slowly coming to pass. Why write about it? With apologies to Rush Limbaugh, “See, I told ya so,” is just so pedantic.

You may also notice that I closed the comments section on this blog. I did it for the same reason that Good Times closed on the 16th Street Mall. If people ain’t paying, why stay open? The more practical reason is because I got tired of the spammers, just as poor Ahmed got tired of the homeless using the Good Times bathroom as a changing/bathing room. Capcha is not an option for blind folks with screen-reading software, so I just shut it off.

If I ever face popular demand from actual human beings to bring back the comments, I’ll consider it. Until then, I’m going to publish this and go off to do something else, which will not involve Tom T. Hall or British humor.

The Whopper

I was kind of running on empty this morning due to the beer I drank last night… And then I ate a Whopper.

I’m not gonna lie. The Whopper is probably my favorite fast food burger out there. The Big Mac is vastly overrated. Who wants an extra slice of bread in there!? Wendy’s Baconator is pretty damn good, but it sits in your gut like a lead brick for three days after you surround it. I do enjoy the Super Sonic burger, but until self-driving cars become a reality, I don’t get there very much. Hardy’s (Carl’s Jr. on the left coast) and Jack in the Box were both forgettable when I had them.

So, that leaves us with the Whopper. I put it in my mouth and am treated to a veritable starburst of taste sensations. The chewy sesame seed bun, the smooth, warm melted cheese, the crunch of lettuce, tangy pickles and brisk onions, the sweet, juicy tomato, the flame-broiled meat patty, and finally… The cool chaser of ketchup and mayo.

Who needs Jesus Christ when you can have a Whopper? In fact, at my funeral, don’t worry about my Sunday best. Just place a Whopper under my head and send the coffin downward. Be happy in the knowledge that I am in that great big drive-through in the sky, ordering a Whopper to go while some big-boned beauty is offering to lick the ketchup off my chin. Instead of the blind man in the bleachers, think of the big blind daddy in the Porshe.

Of course, with my luck, my spirit will go the same direction as my coffin. I’ll be in hell, where I’m in an Uber driven by a guy named Ahmed, who clearly has better things to do with his time. If we’re lucky enough to find the Burger King, the speaker will have a short, the lady taking my order won’t speak English, the cook will be a stoner who fixes it on a stale bun and forgets the extra cheese and the mayo, and Ahmed will drive away before I can check the bag to make sure they remembered the fries, which are better at McDonald’s anyway but I wanted them.

DAMN IT!!! I’m getting in a bad mood again thinking about this scenario. But I just burped and tasted that Whopper again. I feel better. Aahhhhh!!!

Put This On Your Cake and Frost It!

This article was originally posted on my Facebook page two years ago. I think it is worthy of preservation.

So yeah…gay marriage.

Almost a week ago, the Supreme Court made it’s decision. I knew it was coming and warned my fellow conservatives to prepare themselves. I’m not a know-it-all. It wasn’t hard to read the political tea leaves. Justice Kennedy and Ted Olson validated my thinking that we have reached a place in our culture where emotionalism holds sway over sound logic in the realm of public policy. Still, there is no point in debating the merits (or lack there of) of the legality of gay marriage, so we’re not going to do it here.

Let’s turn then to the religious side of it. I think it’s important that we do so, for the church will serve as the final battleground for this issue. Those who preach tolerance of the homosexual lifestyle while simultaneously castegating Christians who respectfully express descent will eventually be coming after them in the courts as well. Given recent trends, there’s no reason to think they won’t be successful in suppressing the Christian view of traditional marriage.

I’ve heard three arguments from Christians who support same-sex marriage that I feel deserve a response:

1. This is best summed up by an acquaintance on Twitter. Last Friday she tweeted, “Love is love is love.”

This is the most ridiculous argument I’ve ever heard, Yet, it is the most emotionally persuasive propegated by the media, gay activists and by opportunistic politicians; many of whom held the opposing view until it became politically convenient to shift with the social wind (Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, etc.)

Love is love is love? Really? Implicit in this circular argument is the notion that God is the essence of perfect love. God loves everyone, no matter who they are or what they do. Therefore, God either approves of their actions, or will at least forgive them regardless of their intent. This chooses to ignore the many portions of scripture that illustrate that God is also angry and just. Rather than site passage after passage that bolsters this argument, I will merely ask a question for my post modernist Christian followers. Please site for me any passage in which God encourages his children to sin.

That leads me to:

2. “I have no right to judge gay marriage, because everyone sins.”

Yes, we are all sinners living in a fallen world. Yes, gay people deserve our prayer, compassion, respect and love. Yes, God is the ultimate judge. That said, can any of you post modern Christians name a sin that is socially celebrated? When someone commits adultery, do we throw him/her a public party complete with photographer, cake and fancy clothing? Do we celebrate and encourage murderers, thieves, rapests, etc?

Marco Rubio was recently asked if he would attend a gay wedding. His answer (paraphrased) was, “Yes, just as I would attend the second wedding of a friend who had previously been divorced.” This is a spurious argument. When you attend someone’s second or eighth wedding, you are not celebrating the fact that they are divorced. You are celebrating their new marriage in the hopes that it will not also end in divorce.

One of the central tennants of Christianity is that of forgiveness. This was recently reinforced by relatives of the victims of the massacre at Emanuel Church in Charleston, when they rose in court and publicly forgave the shooter. This was an incredible act! What do you think would happen if Christians said to gay people, “We forgive you, rather than, “God condemns all gay people to hell.”

3. “God created animals. Animals engage in homosexual behavior. So…”

This is also a laughable argument. God gave humans dominion over the Earth. Animals kill indiscriminately. They poop and pee wherever they wish. Animals engage in sex without gaining the consent of their partner or partners. They take food without asking permission. Do I really need to go on?

Look, I understand that it feels good not to be considered a narrow-minded bigot. It feels good to be loved and accepted by other people. Human love is much more tangible and gratifying than the long term love of an unseen God. Many of you post modern Christians are comfortable with your choice to embrace gay marriage and that’s fine. Ultimately, it’s between you and God. Just understand that the same forces that offered you this choice will ask you to choose again down the road. How good will it feel if you’re choice is the wrong one?

“Fuck the Po-Lice!”

Here comes another book recommendation. “The Force,” by Don Winslow. Let me say right off the bat that this is one of the best books I’ve ever read. It’s right up there with “Lonesome Dove,” “The Caine Mutiny,” “Presumed Innocent,” and “The Godfather.”

Denny Malone is a New York City cop. But he is not New York’s finest. He is corrupt and North Manhattan is his kingdom. He is not the stereotypical cop of crime fiction. He sports sleeve tattoos, loves gangsta rap, has an estranged wife and a black mistress on the side and he has a bad habit of popping Dexedrine before he goes on duty.

Malone busts his share of perps, but he also steals drugs, cash and guns from other criminals to further his own interests, along with those of his partners on an elite task force designed to combat street crime. In the book’s opening scene, Malone executes a notorious drug dealer for reasons that will eventually become clear.

Does he get away with it? Faugh! Read the book. Let’s just say that Denny will soon find that his agenda comes into conflict with those of the mafia, a ghetto drug lord, a Dominican hitman, the FBI, city politicians and, most important of all, his fellow cops.

This book is not merely a pot-boiler crime thriller. The characters are fully realized human beings, all driven by human frailties. Current events such as police shootings and the Black Lives Matter movement serve as an authentic backdrop to the plot and motivations of the characters. But most of all, this book is an honest, unvarnished look into the culture of the police force, for both good and bad. Though politics does play a role in the novel, I don’t detect an overt pro or anti-cop bias on the part of the author.

Yes, my blind friends, the book is available on audible, which means you can go ahead and pirate it like I know you’re gonna do. It is not on BARD and probably won’t be for a while, since the book was published only two weeks ago. Apparently, it is also available on Bookshare.