Of Men, Women, Turkey Legs and Sex

Over the years, I’ve been in a number of relationships. All of them have failed, of course. I have failed. At 43, I don’t consider my career to be a failure. I work in radio now, which is pretty much what I’ve wanted to do all of my life. I will never be a talk show host on KFAB, but I’m closer to my career goal than most other blind people I know.

No, my greatest failure in life is not having found a wife. Many people would read this and snort to themselves. “RyanO,” they might say. “It’s your own damn fault. You’ve always been a player.”

This was confirmed to me when I had dinner with a friend I’ve known for decades not long after I moved to Omaha. At one point I said, “I’m tired of people thinking I’m a womanizer.” He paused between sips of Captain and Coke, then said, “You mean you’re not?” This guy’s quip was historically ironic because, back when we were teenagers, he received far more female attention than did I.

Fine. Granted, I’ve been in a lot of relationships and none of them have worked. I will shoulder my share of the blame for that. But don’t talk to me about womanizing. I enjoy women. I like their perspective. I like the back-and-forth with women. I appreciate what many of them have to say.

I’ve also known some toxic women who are just as nasty as their male counterparts. And I also enjoy the back-and-forth with men on a different level. We used to hold monthly guys’ nights when I lived in Denver where a group of five or six of us would get together, drink beer, smoke cigars and talk about guy stuff; women, football, blind politics, women, our families, women, etc. I miss those days a lot.

My point is that, while I seem to gravitate toward women, I don’t exclude men over some long game of sexual conquest. I’ve known men who were actual womanizers. One guy was a musician and he was very clear about the fact that he wanted to plunder as much pussy as he possibly could before he died. So, so many women let him do it, even though his motives were abundantly transparent.

This leads me to the main thrust (pardon the expression) of my post. I’ve been in my fair share of relationships and I’m always amazed at how quickly women want to give up the goods. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been alone with a woman early on and I’m thinking we’re just gonna do some cuddling or heavy making out… And we end up naked. And here’s the part many of you won’t believe. More often than not, she’s the initiator.

I want to make it crystal clear that I am not pointing fingers at my exes. I’m a man and, like all other men, when I feel the firehose effect, I lose perspective. But a lot of these women didn’t just leap into bed with me due to some powerful seductive charm on my part. They did it because they felt safe with me, thus, they dropped their guard with abandon.

Now, I’ve had a lot of good and great sex over the years. I’ve also made love to a few women; the two acts are very different. Some of the sex was casual. Some of it was a friends-with-benefits type situation. But most of it was in the context of a relationship wherein both of us thought we were going to be dating long term. In those situations, the women were always far too eager to surrender their wears to me too early. And this wasn’t merely in my ‘20’s and ‘30’s. This has happened to me in my early ‘40’s as well.

This is the message I want to impart to women from a straight man’s point of view. Ladies, I know we’re living in the age of sexual liberation when the role of the woman is ever changing. But I’m telling you that, despite all of the popular assertions being made right now, men and women are wired differently. Generally, men are wired to have sex, which may or may not lead to love. Generally, women are wired to be in love, which may or may not lead to sex. One is far more fleeting and/or rewarding than the other.

If you want to have sex with a man on a recreational basis, go for it. If the two of you decide together that you have chemistry and just want to get your rocks off, more power to you. But if you meet a guy and think he might be a prime candidate for a longer term love relationship, make. Him. Wait. Make him work for it. And more importantly, make yourself wait.

A guy is always happy to pop off his cork when and where he can. If he is willing to hold off for you until you’re ready, he is worthy of you. I’m not telling you to play hard to get. I’m not into game-playing. It smacks too much of manipulation. Let him know you’re interested in him, but that he needs to work for your favors. And by work, I mean that he needs to court you. Don’t open up for him on the first, or second, or even the 10th date. Once you allow him into your inner palace of pleasure, he’s already gotten what he biologically wants. Encourage him, but watch how he behaves. If you give it up too quickly, a guy (the right kind of guy) may lose respect for you, even if he continues seeing you.

As for you men, if you’re on date number one with a lady and she’s gobbling your fleshly tool like a fried turkey leg on Thanksgiving and talking about forever, and even references the L-word, head for the nearest exit and block her on social media. The long term consequences are not worth the short term pleasure of firing off your manly magnum in her feminine forest.

I’m done now. Gonna go pet the kitty and sort out some more mistakes. Happy Bunny Day.